It's that time of the year when Indian magazines publish sex surveys mapping the carnal capabilities of a billion people. It has become an annual ritual of sorts: the magazines presume that since India is changing rapidly, the sexual habits of its people must be following suit.
I love the way the surveys are packaged. One, this year, calls itself the Beta Male Special. Others have been called The Naked Truth, Sex and the Single Woman and the more prosaic What Men Want.
I also love the questions and the answer options. "What was your first time like?" asked a survey last year. "Mind blowing, terrible or don't remember?" We were relieved to learn that, for the overwhelming majority, it was "mind blowing". Who says Indians are prudish about sex?
The certitudes on sexual behaviour in these surveys would put Gay Talese to shame. One showed a "more sexually carnivorous urban Indian willing to break taboos and batter boundaries". But, it moaned: "The appetite is clearly greater than the menu". Phew.
A recent one says that in 2009, Indian males have suddenly become more gender sensitive and turned into Beta Males, whatever that means. "Not the dominating, growling, impatient bedroom partner but a clever young man, quickly aroused and usually satiated. He now understands that sex, like anger, politics or the handling of a TV remote control needs some strategy, some fair play," says the survey. Sounds like Neanderthal man has finally grown up into a sexual savant of sorts.
I still don't know how the Indian male is "strategising" through the minefield of amour and sex because the magazine never told me. I look forward to clues in next year's survey, unless Indian man slips back into Neanderthal mode again.India art show
But what I love most is the heart of the survey: the cold statistics.
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India's Bizzare Sex Surveys- by BBC's Soutik Biswas
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